I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
