Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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