Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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