i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
