shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
