Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
