Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm like, not good at living.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
