holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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