we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
