I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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