You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
