god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
