Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
