Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
