I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
