is wine microwaveable?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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