operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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