Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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