sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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