i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
