Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
