Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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