Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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