My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
