i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
even my farts smell like vagina
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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