My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
