Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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