Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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