If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize