Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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