You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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