If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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