Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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