How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
