Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
