i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
