Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
