things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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