Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
