Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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