I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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