OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
