Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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