I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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