I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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