So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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