i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
