Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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