Need sex. Gaining weight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
