my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
