Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
