Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....