I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back