youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost