I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.