so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.