Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
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words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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