i would punch a child for taco bell
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again