Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
