she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
