I am spending my child support on dildos
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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