I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No subtext here. People are naked.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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