Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
