i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
only if we run a train.
done.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
