Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
