How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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